


Love is Pain

by NoComment



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Boi it takes a turn (in chp2), F/F, Not for the faint of heart, Oh god why am i doing this?, Yeah.... Not sure what to tag this, probably not what you're expecting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-19 12:52:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11313798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoComment/pseuds/NoComment
Summary: Everyone knew what it meant when you were suddenly hit with phantom pain. It meant your soulmate had gotten hurt. But why did it have to feel so real?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate AU where you feel the pain of your soulmate. Pretty much it.
> 
> This entire thing can be described as the "I don't know" noise.

Lapis sat in the back corner of her English 10 class, bored out of her mind. Her teacher excitedly went on and one about gerunds and how adding ‘ing' to a word was gonna change the way they were gonna ‘see the words of the world’.

What effing ever.

Her mind started wandering to other subjects. Soul mates in particularly. She started thinking about all the jabs the felt on her arm this past summer. How she had felt random smashes to her forehead over the years.

She smiled to herself and thought of how cute and clumsy her soulmate must be. And who the hell kept hitting them?

Her face hardened as she thought of her own life. She had an easy one and hardly ever got hurt, if not at all. Lapis wondered if her soulmate even knew she existed.

“Lapis,” Mr. Dewey suddenly called, pulling her out of her thoughts. He looked at her with that look teachers get when they think they're about to embarrass an unsuspecting student.

“Can you give me an example on a gerund in use,” he asked, knowing he’d caught her off guard.

Lapis struggled to even remember what the hell a gerund ever was. _Something with verbs and nouns, right? Add ‘ing' to a verb… Or was it the noun? No that doesn't make sense._

Giving up she just snarkily said, “I don't appreciate your asking of that to someone clearly not paying attention.”

The class snickered and looked towards their teacher who had a look of shock on his face that only those who had been paying attention know the reason behind.

“Well, she's not wrong,” Lapis’s friend Amethyst shouted from the other back corner of the classroom, causing the class to erupt with laughter.

Mr. Dewey cleared his throat uncomfortably and turned to write her sentence on the board.

“Lapis, based on your acknowledgement of ‘not paying attention’ allow me to explain why you were technically right.” He underlined the word ‘asking' and turned back.

“By luckily adding the word ‘your' instead of ‘you’ before ‘asking’ you've successfully turned the verb into a noun,” he said seriously, ego still bruised from the laughter thrown his way. “It is something I have, not something I did.”

Lapis drifted back into la-la-land once again, sole toy wondering if his soulmate could feel the pain of the embarrassment. No, it didn't work that way. Everyone knew it was only the physical pain that was linked together.

“Ok, guys, complete this worksheet by tomorrow.” Mr. Dewey waved some papers in the air and set them on his desk for the students to collect.

Lapis sighed and stood up to get the homework. She had only taken a few steps before she felt something hit her chest followed by an unbearable pain in here her legs.

A blood curtling scream ripped out her throat as she dropped to the ground. Everyone stopped to look at her and figure out what had just happened to the girl who was fine moments before.

Amethyst was the first to take action, jumping over desks to reach her friend. She knelt down over the fallen girl and tried to calm her but Lapis continued to scream in pain.

“Lapis, what's wrong,” Amethyst asked and tried to hold her shoulders in place. Lapis, however, kept rolling on the floor, clutching her legs.

“My legs,” she yelled, “they feel like they're being crushed! It hurts so bad!” at this point tears started streaming down her face. She wanted to blackout or die, whatever would make the pain go away.

An audience of students surrounded them while Mr. Dewey called the front office for help. Whispering started and the word ‘soulmate' was thrown around.

Amethyst tried again to figure out what was wrong. “Did something happen to you. It is soulma-” Lapis cut her off with another scream and held up her arms.

“MY ARMS!” Lapis was sobbing uncontrollably from the agony she was feeling. She couldn't think of anything else; not the crowd that had gathered, not Amethyst, not even of the person who was unintentionally causing this.

“It feels like my bones were just shattered all at once!” She didn't know what to do, her mind taken over. Her limbs were physically fine but she couldn't bring herself to move them so she laid in a crumpled heap on the cool tile.

At this point, almost everyone but Lapis knew what this was: the phantom pain of a hurt soulmate. Amethyst looked on feeling sorrow for Lapis and the immense amount of pain she was currently feeling.

Lapis had finally stopped moving, resentfully accepting the pain flowing through her. Amethyst move to hold Lapis in her arms, rocking her back and forth. The room was silent save for Lapis’s persistent bawling.

The principal, Mrs. Rose had entered not long after but, after being informed of the situation, could do nothing but kneel down with the girls and place a comforting hand in Lapis’s shoulder.

A few gasps were heard when Lapis suddenly sat up. She looked at her hands awestruck and flexed them a bit before doing the same to her legs.

“It's gone,” she whispered to herself, unbelieving. She turned to Mrs. Rose and Amethyst behind her. “What happened?”

“Phantom pain from your soulmate,” explained Amethyst.

It took a second for Lapis to process the information. Her mind was racing, thinking about what must've happened to her soulmate for her to have felt that.

It broke her heart.

“Why- why did it stop,” she asked although she already knew reason. You only felt it so long as they felt it.

A saddened look took over Mrs. Rose’s face. “They probably blacked out from the pain or from whatever happened.” She was Lapis’s face drop and her eyes widen in fear. She knew exactly what the poor girl was thinking. “Honey, it doesn't mean they died, please don't think that.”

“BUT IT WAS SO TERRIBLE!” Lapis couldn't think straight, her mind everywhere and nowhere at once. How could she not think they were dead after what had happened. “YOU DON'T KNOW HOW BAD IT WAS! It hurt. So. Bad.”

“I know, Lapis,” Mrs. Rose said and got up, helping the crying Lapis to her feet. “I know.”

Amethyst stood and embraced her friend. Lapis wiped her eyes on her sleeve and thanked them for being there for her.

“Come on, I'll give you a pass for the rest of the day so you can go home. You'll want to be in a safe place in case they wake up still in pain.” Lapis thought of her words while Mrs. Rose led her out of the room.

In case they wake up…. If they wake up….

As much as she hated what had happened and what she had felt, Lapis secretly hoped she would feel that pain again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a line.
> 
> Peace. Love. I'm out!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah.... Just prepare yourself. Use zee imaginations.

Peridot laid quietly in bed and waited for sleep to take over. The extensions of her legs and left arm were neatly placed beside her bed for easy access in the morning. She often opted to keep on the right arm as it was the most difficult to put back on since she only has a little bit of upper arm left to work with.

Taking them off always reminded her of the accident. She would think about what happened that day and the torture she endured.

It made her think of the physical connections shared between soulmates.

If she were being honest with herself, Peridot didn't really know if she had a soulmate. She never felt that ‘phantom pain’ associated with a soulmate being hurt.

Sure she might have felt something once or twice, but those times were so insignificant that she assumed they were just her mind playing tricks on her.

Maybe she didn't have one. Maybe they had died young before the connection was established. As messed up as it seemed, she liked to take comfort in that thought. A dead soulmate wouldn't have felt what she had gone through all those years ago.

So when she felt the sting of a slap across her face while laying in her bed she was certainly confused. Was that what phantom pain felt like? She instantly didn't like it. She sat up and rubbed her cheek, though with all she knew about soulmates, it would do nothing unless they were doing the same.

It was soon followed by a ache on her scalp, like her hair was being pulled. Why was she feeling all this now? What was going on with her soulmate?

“Wow, I guess I do have a soulmate,” she said to herself in shock.

Then panic set in. “What the hell is happening to them?”

Then anger. “Who the hell is hurting them?”

Her thoughts were cut off by the feeling of scrapes on her back, rough and jagged. The traveled up to her shoulders then stopped when she felt a kick to her gut.

Peridot curled up in bed, clutching her stomach in agony and trying not to vomit from the feeling. She felt a twist in her shoulder, yanked hard by the non-existent attacker.

All of the feeling faded shortly after save for the stinging in her shoulder. Peridot rolled to her back, hoping that whatever her soulmate was dealing with had been resolved. Minutes passed without incident and she thought it must have ended.

“What was that,” she questioned, trying to put the pieces together. There were so many situations that involved being beaten around. Were they in an alley being mugged? A bar fight?

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep as she pondered the possibilities for a bit longer. Her answer came in the form of the feeling of something forcibly being shoved inside her.

She cried out in pain and felt the tearing tissue that no one was even touching. She felt it move out then slam back in deeper, with more force.

“No. No. No. No. No. Don't let this be happening!” So many emotions flooded her at once. The most prominent being anger for the person who dared do this to her soulmate. She hoped her soulmate had put up a fight.

She could feel herself being stretched painfully, unwillingly.

Peridot was helpless against the ache that was spreading quickly through her body. But that wasn't that unbearable. But the feeling in her center that felt like a thousand knives being stabbed into her all at once was.

She turned and screamed into a pillow, wishing it would end soon. A forceful pressure presented itself on either side of her neck and only got tighter. She felt guilty for being able to breathe knowing the feeling could only mean that her soulmate could not.

“Please, let it stop,” she cried though tears. The agony surrounded her. Every fiber of her being was on fire as she was unintentionally violated.

She didn't want this. She screamed out, “WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME!” then immediately felt extreme guilt take over.

She wasn't the one with someone hitting them, her soulmate was.

She wasn't the one with someone choking her, her soulmate was.

She wasn't the one being raped, her soulmate was.

Peridot found herself mentally checking out, daydreaming of rescuing her soulmate from this hell and killing the attacker. She wanted them to suffer for doing this. Send them back to hell like the demon they were.

She was pulled back to reality by the feeling of punch to her face. Everything came flooding back as her nerves sent panic signals to her brain. Telling her to run when there was nothing to run from. No one was there with her. She was alone with the pain.

She felt the attacker withdraw and thought it was over. That is, until she felt them re-enter from a different angle. She felt her hair being pulled again with a painful sensation on her face. Her face felt like her back did minutes before, like it was being scraped against something.

They were more forceful this time, pulling back almost all the way then slamming back in deep. Over and over.

“Stars, please kill me,” she pleaded. Death would be more preferable than this pain. At this point she didn't even know if her accident had felt worse than this.

She continued to cry to herself. She cried in pain. She cried in fear. She cried in empathy for her soulmate.

“Please let this end.”

By some miracle, it seemed her wish had been granted as the attacker withdrew once more. She waited for the thrusts to come back but it didn't happen. She lay still as her body continued to feel the aches of her soulmate.

Her tears continued to fall in the aftermath. She couldn't bring herself to move anymore. Nothing about her was okay anymore, even if it didn't happen to her.

Everything felt so real. So raw. She felt exposed and dirty.

She wanted to die. And honestly, she knew her soulmate did too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drop me a line.
> 
> Peace. Love. I'm out!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis, the morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uggghhh. Fine. You know what? Fine.
> 
> Back by "popular" demand! Love is Pain: the continuation!
> 
> I haven't wrote a multichapter fic like this in 4 years so I don't even know how this is gonna turn out.
> 
> From here on out I don't think it's gonna be as "touchy feely" as before.

When Lapis woke up thetecwere a couple things she noticed. 1.) She had a raging headache. And 2.) her memory of the previous night was only in bits and pieces. She didn't remember how she got home. She didn't remember taking her shirt off or falling asleep.

She could remember was being press up against a wall with a hand on her neck. And someone-

No. She quickly rid herself from the thoughts of last night, never wanting to think of it ever again. She checked the clock and saw she had 2 hours till she had to be at work.

Slowly, she got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, trying to ignore the ache between her legs that throbbed with every step. It was just a reminder of what happened. Walking in, it took her a second to recognize her own face in the mirror. The only true indicators that it was her were her blue hair and signature blue eyes.

Half of her face had multiple cuts while the other side sported a nasty black eye, still painful to the touch. She stretched her neck and noticed dark bruises lining it; four on one side, one on the other. And on her abdomen was a large purple bruise.

Without warning, her stomach wrenched and she quickly kneeled before the toilet, emptying out what little contents were inside her. Her throat hurt, her head hurt, everything hurt.

She couldn't even bring herself to stand back up so she laid on the cool tile of her bathroom, looking up at the blurring lights before fading back into unconsciousness.

 

Pearl didn't know what to expect when she pulled up to Lapis’s house. It had only seemed right to check on her. Lapis had never _not_ shown up to work before. In fact, she had never even called off or been late. Something had to be up.

She knocked on the door and waited. And waited. After a few minutes she fished out the spare key entrusted to her and her soulmate and let herself in.

“Lapis,” she called out, “are you in here?” The house was dark. The only source of light was what was seeping through the closed blinds in the windows.

She worked her way to her friend's room, checking everywhere else as she went. She couldn't deny she was pleased at how neat everything was. Nothing was out of place, except for a shirt on the floor.

She noticed tiny spots of blood on the back of it.

She slowly opened the door bedroom and peeked her head inside to see if Lapis was just sleeping. She wasn't in her bed but upon looking around saw that there was light coming from the bathroom attached to the room.

"Lapis-” she knocked “-are you in there?” Again she waited for a response but was once more met with silence. “I'm gonna come in so yell out if I shouldn't.”

_Silence_

Pearl cracked the door and took a look inside then quickly rushed in when she saw Lapis laying on the floor.

She faltered a bit when she saw the scrapes and cuts along Lapis’s back. The scenarios of what might have happened already running through her head.

Pearl hesitantly approached her fallen co-worker and gently rolled her over. She gasped at the state of Lapis’s face. When her eyes traveled to her stomach and saw the giant bruise she could no longer hold back her tears.

She shook Lapis’s shoulders in hopes to relive her. “Lapis, please wake up.”

Lapis slowly opened her eyes to see a crying Pearl kneeling over her. She snapped up and moved to cover herself, turning her face away and hiding her stomach.

“Lapis, what happened,” Pearl asked through tears and placed a hand on her friend's shoulder.

“Don't touch me!” Lapis jerked herself away from Pearl and stood up, bracing herself against the counter to fight off the dizziness that took over her.

“What- what are you doing here, Pearl,” Lapis asked lowly. She splashed some cold water on her face and rinsed her mouth out as Pearl responded.

“What do you think I'm doing here? You didn't show up to work and haven't been answering your phone. That never happens!” Pearl was almost frantic, unbelieving that Lapis would question her motives when it was obvious that she had been so badly hurt.

She paused waiting for Lapis to respond, when it didn't come she asked again, “Lapis, what happened to you?”

“Nothing happened, Pearl!” She stormed out of the bathroom and grabbed the first available shirt to slip on.

“Well you didn't get those bruises and black eye them yourself,” Pearl huffed and followed her. “Please, Lapis, tell me.”

Lapis later back in her bed, pulling the covers up so only her eyes were visible beneath. “I can't. I don't want to.” Water formed in her eyes. She squeezed them tight, trying to avoid letting it fall. “Please just leave me alone.”

Pearl saw how broken Lapis had become. This was not the Lapis she knew. Something really bad must've happened for her to be acting this way.

“Lapis, please let me help you,” she pleaded, “at least let me help you with your injuries. I'm sure your soulmate is still feeling them as well so if-”

Lapis stopped paying attention as her brain seemed to short-circuit. She had completely forgotten about her soulmate. They would've felt what happened. All of the pain she went through, her soulmate did too.

Overwhelming guilt took over her. Her soulmate had to live through that suffering because of her. She caused someone else to go through that against their will.

What if they were with people? What if they were alone? So many thoughts came to Lapis she lost control. Tears started streaming down her face as she sobbed into her blanket.

Pearl sat down on the bed next to her and rubbed her arm in an effort to comfort her. But it didn't seem to be working on the inconsolable girl.

“It going to be ok, Lapis,” Pearl reassured. She tried to sound convincing for Lapis’s sake but she couldn't even tell if she believed the words herself. So she sat there, quietly, and let Lapis cry her heart out.

She waited until she fell back asleep before she wiped away the tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.....
> 
> Drop me a line.
> 
> Peace. Love. I'm out!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot, later that night (morning?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gets a little ehhh because who the hell knows how to end conversations?
> 
> Alrightly, let's get the Pain-Train rollin'.

“Peridot, calm down,” Amethyst said sternly over speakerphone. “It's gonna be ok.”

Peridot leaned over her phone back and looked at it in disbelief. Something must have been wrong with the audio. There was no way she just heard that right.

“It's going to be ok? IT'S GOING TO BE OK?!? Noting about this is ok! I. Was. Raped,” she shouted back. Maybe Amethyst wasn't the best person to talk to about this. But at 4:30 in the morning she seemed like a logical choice.

Peridot had taken a shower after the pain finally subsided, but she had given up on getting any sleep for the night.

She felt so dirty.

Her mind was going 1,000 miles an hour and there were no good thoughts to had. She just needed someone to talk to. Peridot being left alone with her thoughts was a dangerous thing.

She called her long-distance friend Amethyst in an attempt to calm her thoughts. So far, talking it out had only made things worse.

They’d been on the phone for an hour at this point. She had caught Amethyst up to speed on everything that had transpired a few hours earlier. She had told her nearly every theory she had regarding what must have happened that she _didn't_ feel.

“Peri, I know this sucks to hear, but you weren't raped. Your soulmate was,” Amethyst reminded. Peridot almost crushed her phone.

She yelled into the receiver, “How dare you say that? After what I felt! I know it didn't happen directly to me, you clod! But I still felt _someone force something inside me_!”

The phone went dead for a moment. It was so quiet Peridot checked to make sure the line was still active. It was, so why wasn't Amethyst responding?

Peridot opened her mouth to ask if Amethyst was still there but a voice sounded before she had a chance.

“I'm sorry, Peridot,” came a desolate voice from the other end of the line. “I didn't mean to- I'm so sorry.”

_Well, you should be._

“It just…. felt so real, Amethyst,” Peridot sighed. She flinched at the memory of the pain.

“I know, Peri. I know.”

“What do you think happened to them,” asked Peridot as she started to strap on her legs. She had to move around, her bed was starting to feel like a trap.

“I stopped feeling things a while before I called you,” Peridot paused, dreading the worst.

Amethyst’s stern voice rang out in Peridot's ear, “Peridot, I know what you're thinking. And don't. They probably just fell asleep.”

“Or they're lying dead in an alley,” she said.

Peridot added almost inaudibly, “Or killed themselves,” Amethyst, however, caught what she said perfectly.

“Don't you dare say that!” Amethyst was clearly mad at Peridot for even suggesting such a thing. How could she not be, after what had happened before.

“Sorry,” Peri quickly apologized. _Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I can't believe I just said that._

“I didn't mean that! It's just that-” she searched for the right words “- you would want to live after that.”

Peridot picked up her phone and stood up, tested her legs, giving a few experimental rotations the joints to make sure everything was in working order. As advanced as the prosthetics may be, they sometimes had their kinks.

“Peridot, listen, I know where you're coming from but you need to stop jumping to conclusions.” 

Peridot took some deep breaths and tried to clear her head. That worked for about 5 seconds before more terrible thoughts came to her head. All the possibilities flooded her mind so quickly she dropped her phone to hold her temples. Groaning loudly as she was hit with a sudden searing headache.

Her phone lay temporarily forgotten. Amethyst called out but her attempts to get Peridot’s attention we're overshadowed by the deafening roaring in the latter's ears.

“WHY WON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” She dropped to her knees. The walls around her seemed to be closing in.

It was suffocating.

She fell back and gasped for air that had become hard to get. Her pulse pounded loudly on her ears and as she looked up, the ceiling looked like it was cracking.

“No, this can't be happening,” she said in despair, “not again. No no no, oh please not again!”

Her chest tightened in fear and panic. She made a move to remove her left arm.

_Please, I just need a little release!_

The shaking of her right arm made it nearly impossible to get any sort of grip on the mechanism holding the left in place but she eventually managed. All she had left to do was just pull it off when Amethysts voice finally pierced through her haze.

“Peridot,” Amethyst screamed through the phone. “Peri, answer me, please!”

Peridot scrambled to pick up her phone and hold it close to her mouth to let out a distressed, “Amethyst!”

Amethyst gave a sigh of relief at hearing Peridot respond to her. “Peridot, please breathe. Take deep breaths, slowly, as I count.”

Peridot did as she was told, inhaling as much air as she could as her friend counted up and exhaled as she counted down. They did this multiple times until Peridot regained control of her senses.

The walls had returned to normal. The ceiling was stable. She was in her room. She was safe.

“Wow, thanks,” said Peridot after a few more breaths. “I thought I was controlling it by now.”

She secured her prosthetic back in place and leaned against her bed frame, placing hand on her head and closing her eyes.

“Did you take your arm off,” Amethyst solemnly asked.

“No,” Peri sighed, “you caught me just as I was about to.” She could picture Amethyst shaking her head at her.

Amethyst knew her well enough at this point to know the warning signs and the steps she took. She got a kick out of the fact that she was sometimes Peridot's voice-of-reason when she was the one who often needed one.

“Listen… I ne- GAHH,” Peridot let out as a painful sensation erupted between her legs. It wasn't the same as it was hours ago, it was duller but still painful. She felt it pulse and spread over her lower half. A knot in her side soon followed, right where it had been before. Her ribs felt bruised.

“Amethyst, it's back. The pain is back!” She panicked, don't knowing what to do. What could she do? She was helpless.

Amethyst tried her best to calm her down while listening to the woman on the other end continuously ask. “What am I gonna do?” Unfortunately, she didn't have an answer for her.

“Peri, just try to think of the good news. That means your soulmate is alive,” she soothed. “They probably just woke up, and that's why you feel it again. Just try to relax. Breath again.”

Peridot was amazed That she could find the air to breathe. Finally, she was able to suffer with her mind off. She was surprised when the feeling went away just a few minutes later.

“Ok, Amethyst, it's gone again. I'm ok,” she said in disbelief and smiled. Peridot was never ‘ok' but the clarity of her mind was an amazing occasion, even if it was in the worst of circumstances. “Thank you so much for helping me!”

“Uhhhhh yeah, whatever dude. Are you sure you're ok?” Amethyst sounded uncertain at Peridot's sudden enthusiasm.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.” Peri stood up once again and made her way to her desk. “I think I'm gonna go through some hospital records. See if there have been any presently reported rapes.”

“Peri, I hate to break it to you, but there will probably be quite a few.” Peridot wasn't deterred by this one but as she started up her computer. If she was gonna be level headed, she was going to milk it for all it was worth.

“Shut up, clod, I finally found out I have a soulmate. As shitty as it may be, I have a clue as to how to find them so why not go for it?”

She heard Amethyst chuckle a bit. “Seems like only 10 minutes ago you were screaming like the world was about to end.”

They both went silent. Peridot tapped away at her keyboard, trying to hack into some medical records. She didn't know what Amethyst was doing. She probably feel asleep. Peridot could blame her, she woke her up early enough in the morning.

“Hey, Amethyst,” she called out.

“Mmm yeah?” Her voice had pulled a 180. She sounded extremely groggy. Maybe she had called back asleep.

“You can uh… go to bed if you want.”

“Are you sure you're going to be ok if I go?”

Peridot smiled at her concern, feeling genuinely cared for. “I'll be fine. I've lived through worse things.”

“Alright, but you can always call again if something happens.”

“Don't worry, I will.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Amethyst looked at her phone screen as it turned red. She got off the couch and stretched out her stiff limbs.

She returned to her bedroom and was surprised to see Pearl was already awake and getting ready. Though, when she checked the time, realized there was only a little over an hours till she had to work.

“Where were you,” Pearl asked when she noticed her soulmate enter the room.

Amethyst yawned and sat on the bed. “Peridot called, she had a rough night.”

“Is she alright?” Pearl sat next to her and took held her hand. Amethyst leaned against Pearl’s shoulder and sighed.

“Honestly, I don't think so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I know what I'm doing?  
> Fuck naww  
> Am I going to act like I do?  
> Hell yeahh
> 
> One thing I will say is that most everything I do is for a reason. Even if I'm just making it up as I go along. Might wanna keep that in mind;)
> 
> Anything else? Drop me a line.
> 
> Peace. Love. I'm out!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who asked for more? Was it you? Well, here y'all go.

So many results. So many girls and boys who had been raped in one night. So many names.

Peridot shut off her monitor and got up to make food. Three days she searched and the results for that date were still coming in. The names of the victims were permanently rooted in her brain, juggling and twisting around each other like cars in a demolition derby.

She should've known it would be pointless. Hell, Amethyst even told her it would be. How was this going to help her find her soulmate? Even if she did see their name, how would she even know?

She could feel her mind going dark, her mania wearing off. It usually lasted a lot longer than this. But she was losing hope, now the only thing driving her on was the occasional flicker of pain she’d feel throughout her body.

“Why am I doing this,” she asked herself as she sat back down at her desk. She turned back on the monitor and continued to go through the records. “There’s no hope.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lapis double checked herself in the mirror. The swelling in her eye was no longer there but it was still bruised to the point she had to cover it under makeup.

She was proud of her work, especially since she had no prior experience too this sort of cover up. She looked like her old self again.

She scanned herself again and took notice of the marks still present on her neck. _How could I have forgotten those? Guess that repression thing is really working out for me._

It took minimal effort to hide the almost faded marks. They'd be gone in a day or two, but for now it was necessary.

The fresh air surprised her lungs as she step outside. The sun blinded her. Then again, after spending three days cooped up in her dark house, what should she have expected?

As she climbed into her car and was hit with an extremely unpleasant smell. A wave of nausea rushed over her as she quickly got out and stepped back. Taking deep breaths to calm her stomach she wondered what the cause of the stench could be.

Then she remembered. Her groceries. Popping the trunk the smell grew stronger. Three days left in a hot car and nearly everything was spoiled, rotten, or melted. It was just a mess.

Lapis didn't even try to salvage anything. She brought over her curbside trash and threw everything away. It was enough for now to lessen the smell but it still lingered. She’d have to do a deeper cleaning later to fix that and clean up the spills. But if she didn't leave now she was going to be late.

She was grateful that Pearl had let her take a few days off, but she didn't want to push it too much and break her perfect attendance record.

All the windows were rolled down as Lapis started her usual route to work. It was still unpleasant but bearable. She have to go shopping later. Or next next. Right now she didn't want to think about it.

Her shift went by quickly enough. There was so much to catch up on that or kept her mind preoccupied. Pearl didn't try to pursue the topic Lapis knew she was thinking about. Instead just kept everything strictly professional.

That was to be expected of Pearl since she didn't pester her too much after Lapis had made it abundantly clear that she didn't want to talk about what happened when she was at her house a few days ago. That was the good thing about Pearl, she knew good boundaries.

“Hey, Lapis, let me walk you to your car,” called Pearl as they both got ready to leave. Well, she knew boundaries, that didn't mean she wasn't curious.

Lapis accepted the offer and let Pearl join her walk. Neither spoke till they were outside the building, away from other ears.

“How are you holding up?” The question was expected but Lapis still didn't know quite how to respond. She shrugged and kept walking.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“There's nothing to talk about,” Lapis said sharply.

Pearl because visible frustrated. “Those bruises didn't just _appear_ on your body, Lapis. I know they're there no matter how well you cover up. You should see a doctor at least. You might have gotten internal damage.”

_Yeah, I guess you could say it was something like that._

“Pearl,” Lapis’s voice was almost a whisper as she responded, “please stop.” Lapis fought back tears as her mind forced itself to replay the events of that night. Every touch, every grab was still so fresh in her head.

Once they got to Lapis’s car, Lapis turned away from Pearl. She stuck her key in the door to unlock it.

“Lapis, I'm just worried about you,” Pearl sighed and placed a hand on Lapis’s shoulder, “Someone clearly-”

A fist came flying towards her and decked her in the face. Pearl went staggering back and landed on her ass, holding her nose in pain. Thinking it might have broken from the hit.

She looked up at Lapis who still have her fist clenched and had her eyes closed. She put a lot of strength into that punch, and it showed.

“Lapis,” Pearl questioned, trying to get Her friend's attention. Lapis opened her eyes and saw Pearl on the ground below her. She looked at her closed hand in disbelieve.

“I'm so sorry, Pearl,” Lapis quickly apologized and helped Pearl to her feet. “I don't know what came over me!”

She moved Pearl’s hand to inspect her nose. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, it wasn't even bleeding. It just stung like a bitch.

The sound of a phone ringing broke their silence. Pearl checked her pocket and saw Amethyst was calling her.

“It’s Amethyst. She probably felt the punch,” Pearl explained and answered.

“Hello… yes, I'm fine… I'll explain when I get home...”

Lapis watched as Pearl talked to her soulmate. Amethyst must have felt what Lapis did. It made her feel awful. Not only had she hurt Pearl, she hurt Amethyst as well. Stupid soulmate link.

But there was something else she thought of. What if she had known her soulmate? Would they have called at the first strike placed upon her body? Would they have been with her so her rape wouldn't have happened in the first place?

It must be nice being together. To not be alone.

She saw Pearl take her phone away from her ear after saying goodbye. “I'm really sorry, Pearl. I didn't meant to hurt you… or Amethyst. I just got a little spooked.”

“It's fine. There's no damage. I'm guessing whoever hurt you came from behind,” she lead, hoping to get some sort of information.

Lapis sighed and nodded, giving in a little. “Are you sure your nose is ok?”

“Lapis, I'm fine. I'm more concerned about why you hit me in the first place.”

To be honest, Lapis was too. There was something that triggered her when she felt Pearl’s hand on her shoulder. She’d never had that instinct before.

“A feeling just came over me. It was like I was sent back to that night and had to fight.” Lapis turned away again and opened her car door, ready to be done with this conversation.

“You should really talk about this. If not me, then someone. Maybe see a professional.”

“I don't need help,” Lapis snapped. She got in the car and rolled down the windows once again. “Pearl, again, I'm sorry about your nose. It won't happen again. But I'm not going to see anyone.”

Pearl crossed her arms a rubbed her nose a bit, wincing from the pinch of pain. “So stubborn. I'll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow.”

Pearl stepped back as Lapis pulled out of the parking spot and drove away. She finally had a piece of the puzzle. Now the question was, how many more were there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's it goin'? Enjoying the ride so far?  
> Yeah, I know I know, this is "filler" (i think of it as set up ;) so just bear a little please.
> 
> Seriously, most everything I do/write is for a reason. And I never truly knew how true that was until I was writing this.
> 
> Peace. Love. I'm out!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot has a bad night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little into want happened with Peridot. 
> 
> Obviously if you've gotten this far you know about the rape (which I'm still not tagging And hopefully you've gone through the comments to see all about that debacle) but I don't forgo warnings all together sooo... Warning for cutting in here (even though it's like... In only 2 lines at the end)

It was only a few weeks later that everything was back to normal. Weird as that might seem. It had been two weeks since Peridot had felt anything from her soulmate. It was like nothing had ever happened.

Like they didn't exist again.

She had given up the search a week ago but the thoughts were far from her mind. In fact, they were constant.

There was rarely a time when her mind wasn't occupied with the idea of her soulmate. What they looked like, what they did, how they grew up, what was going through their head.

That last one always got to her. Her own thoughts was always going back to that night, she could only imagine what they were thinking of.

Peridot wondered if they knew their attacker or if it was random. Did they see their face? Did they dream about it? No, dream was the wrong word. Did they have nightmares about it.

She knew knew all about nightmares.

She couldn't remember the last time she had a dream, all she had were nightmares or nothing at all. She always hoped for the nothing.

She lay awake in her bed, dreading closing her eyes. She lived in constant fear of the imagination she had no control over.

But alas, staying awake for 67 hours straight has its consequences and she, regrettably, felt the weight of sleep overtake her body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Silence. All there was was silence. Beautiful, beautiful silence._

_The old parking garage downtown was the perfect place for Peridot to organize her thoughts. No one could enter, it had been blocked off for some time now. Only the occasional homeless person or druggie would wonder in. And Peridot._

_She didn't know how there were no cars passing by, or why no one was walking by within earshot. But she didn't question it. She was going to savor this moment for as long as she could._

_She had cut class today, choosing not to deal with her classmates and teachers. But she couldn't stay at home. Mom could walk in at any minute and see her playing hooky. So she went to a place she went often when she needed to lay low for a while._

_Sitting down against a pillar, she pulled out her laptop and started hacking into her school’s records. If she was going to skip school, she wasn't going to let anyone find out about it._

_She chuckled to herself, finding amusement at how easy getting past the firewall was. Amateurs. The whole process only took about 10 minutes. Now she was bored again._

BOOM!!! _The sound of an explosion broke the intense silence. Peridot's ears rang as she quickly looked around for the source. She felt the ground start to shake and looked up. The ceiling above her starting to form cracks and drop rubble all around her._

 _Giant pieces of concrete started to fall around her, causing more panic. She turned to run but slammed into something. No,_ someone.

_She staggered back and fell down. More ceiling narrowly missing her body as it fell next to her. She didn't get the chance to look at the second person before she was swiftly kicked in the gut. She curled in on herself in pain and fought the urge to vomit._

_The person grabbed by her neck and picked her up. She gasped for breath and pried at the hand to no avail._

_She continued to struggle to break free but the grip was unforgivable as it slammed her into the pillar she was previously leaning on. Her head snapped back and hit hard, blurring her vision and making her go dizzy. To disoriented to move, her arms and legs fell limp to her sides._

_The blurred figure holding her seemed to smile as it dropped her. She didn't have the strength to hold herself on her knees and fell to her hands. Gulping down the air previously denied to her._

_She felt a hand on her head thread itself in her hair then tighten. She was pulled up again and pressed face first into the shaking pillar._

_More rubble crashed down around this, the old parking garage becoming more and more unstable. But she couldn't really focus on that. The stranger's free hand was tracing around the waistband of her jeans._

_The button came undone, followed immediately by the zipper. She felt her pants being pulled down along with her underwear._

_She knew what was about to happen. Tears formed in her eyes at the realization. The sound of crashed filled her ears but there was another sound. The sound of another zipper being lowered._

_She didn't want this. Stars, she didn't want this. She’d rather die than have this happen._

_Silently, she hoped part of the ceiling would fall in her. Kill her before this happened. But it seemed she wouldn't get her wish._

_As she felt something being pressed into her._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peridot sat up in bed. Her heart racing and she panted for breath. She was awake but the room was still shaking. Her nightmare had followed her.

She saw dust and stones fall from the ceiling that was perfectly stable.

Her unmoving bed shook uncontrollably. Her heart was in her ears, only a piercing ringing breaking through the haze her mind was trapped in.

She rolled of the bed and quickly reached for her nightstand and pulled out a blade, thankful that her left arm was already off. She drug it across her stump, breaking the skin. She only did one. It was all she needed for the world to come back into focus.

She gazed at the small bit of blood coming from the cut. Focusing on it as the room stopped shaking and she could finally breath again. She looked around and was relieved to see that everything was back to normal. She was in her room

Her stable, not shaking, room. Alone.

She leaned against her bed and dropped the blade to cover her face with her attached right hand.

“Why,” she groaned. She thought back to the nightmare. It was a new one. There was someone with her. Someone attacked her.

She wondered what caused this all of a sudden. Why now? Why not when it first happened?

Looks like it was going to be another restless night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I'm going somewhere with this.
> 
> Hey guys, when an author says they want comments... They want comments... Literally any comment... Even just to point out a capitalization or spelling error (I'm serious, if you found one let me know but I think I got them all).... Or if it's just to tel me to go fuck myself... It fills our hearts and makes us want to work faster. (well it does for me at least. Roast me, I love it)
> 
> Peace. Love. I'm out!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Pain Halved](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11600778) by [Kintatsu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kintatsu/pseuds/Kintatsu)




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